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The theme of our recent Wycliffe blog posts has been transitions, an appropriate topic in view of the changes facing theological education in general and our College in particular. It also hits home for me on a personal level. My current phase of life feels like an extended time of transition.
It has been nearly four years since I handed over the reins of the church I planted and pastored for 14 years. It was a difficult decision, but after months of prayer, I sensed that my time there had come to an end. I expected that as I stepped away from that major role, God would quickly usher me into the next. Instead, He has provided part-time, temporary assignments (including my role as the Transitional Director of the Institute of Evangelism at Wycliffe), and for four long years my life has lacked a solid, long-term sense of stability and direction.
I have often described this as an “in-between time” in my life. I’m done with one major assignment and waiting for the next. I’m no longer where I came from, but not sure where I’m going. And in this middle place, I have discovered that it is exceedingly hard to trust God. Even after so many years of experiencing God’s faithfulness and guidance, I feel insecure because I can’t see where this is all headed.
The Israelites also struggled to trust God as they wandered through the “in-between” place of the wilderness—not for four years, but 40! They were no longer in Egypt, but still a long way from the land God had promised them. And they weren’t shy to voice their complaints and questions to the One who had led them there:
“Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?” (Exodus 17:3, NIV)
“Why did we ever leave Egypt?” (Numbers 11:20)
“Why did you bring the Lord’s community into this wilderness, that we and our livestock should die here? Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place? It has no grain or figs, grapevines or pomegranates. And there is no water to drink!” (Numbers 20:4-5)
They could not yet see what God had planned next and were being challenged in many ways. So, they longed for any scrap of stability, even if that meant heading back to slavery in Egypt! In a time of wandering, any permanent address looks inviting—even if you know it’s not where you’re meant to be. Similarly, despite knowing it was time to step away from my pastoral role, I have often found myself wishing I hadn’t. I miss the sense of surety that came from having a stable position.
Another problem with these “in-between” times is that they can feel so useless. Time is precious. Life is short. I want to know that mine is being used well. Like the Israelites, I have often grumbled to God about the seeming wastefulness of the wilderness. One time as I was doing so, I was stopped in my tracks as I heard the inner voice of the Spirit gently whispering a corrective:
“Jeremy, to me there are no ‘in-between times.’ There are only ‘times.’”
In other words, even in this period of transition, God was saying that He is just as much present, working, and guiding as He always has been. In His eyes, this seemingly “in-between” phase of my life is just as important and purposeful as the others, forming one uninterrupted story of His guidance and provision. I’m reminded of Jesus’ words, “My father is always at his work” (John 5:17).
This is certainly God’s perspective on the Israelites’ 40 years in the wilderness. At the beginning of Deuteronomy, as they finally stand at the edge of the promised land, Moses reviews all that had happened during their years of wandering. He recounts how God had led them step by step, how God had given them mini victories along the way, and how He had provided for their every need:
“In the wilderness … you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” (Deuteronomy 1:31)
“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.” (Deuteronomy 2:7)
God had not been absent in the wilderness, but constantly present, leading and blessing them each step of the way. And if I’m honest, the same has been true for me. At each point and in every decision, God has made the next step clear—even if those steps have not yet brought me to a mountaintop view of what lies ahead.
But that is not to say the wilderness is a fun place to be. Despite God’s provision, Moses doesn’t sugarcoat the experience:
“He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you.” (Deuteronomy 8:15–16)
They had indeed covered difficult terrain. They had been humbled and tested, and that’s never fun. I can relate. But note carefully that last phrase: “so that in the end it might go well with you.” God had a purpose in mind that was not only for His glory, but for their good. When we feel a bit lost, it is essential to remember that we serve a loving God who cares about our spiritual formation and character development more than our need for clarity. He desires our good more than our comfort.
The Israelites needed to learn how to get their sense of security from God, rather than the land they would occupy. As he led them in a cloud by day and fire by night, He took away everything they could look to for stability: a permanent home, self-cultivated food, reliable sources of water, strong walled cities, the ability to predict where they would be the following year or even the following week. They were forced to trust God in a way that left both the big and small picture entirely in His hands
If you also find yourself in a seeming “in-between time” in life, may you take comfort in knowing that to God, there is no such thing.
